I've been thinking about some different types of troll-bashing lately. I was re-reading part of Linda Dillow's book "Calm My Anxious Heart" (An excellent book about contentment ladies!) and it was referring to the two "spiritual diseases" of "What If" and "If Only". I was very struck by her definitions and the trolls that hide behind these words.
"What If" refers to the future- "What if God doesn't do what He promised? What if God doesn't take care of my wants and needs in the future?" I know that we all experience this, especially as women. We fear, we worry, we fret- and in doing so, we forget to trust our futures to God and succumb instead to the disease of "What If". Those nasty little what-if-trolls are some of the sneakiest kind. They suggest to us that maybe we should worry about what might happen, that we should protect ourselves and be aware, rather than be naive about the future. Those what-if-trolls take even our deepest, darkest fears that we scoff at as impossible in the direct light of day, and whisper them to our heart: "What If God doesn't answer my prayers? What If God doesn't give me the things I want? What if God takes away my husband, or any children I might have in the future? What if God does not fulfull my dreams?" Notice that we never ask if God can- we're scared that he won't take into account our own desires and dreams and hopes- and those slimy what-if-trolls tell us that be worrying about it, we have some small measure of control. How do we bash those trolls?
"If Only" refers to the past- "If only God had not allowed that to happen. If only I had not made the choices that I did." This one is tough, because there is always a grain of truth mixed with fear in the whisper of the if-only-trolls. These things already happened, so we know they are real, unlike the cloudy vagueness of the "What If" disease. We can't tell ourselves, "That won't happen, I'm just being silly"- because it did happen, and it did hurt, and we bear the scars on our heart to prove it. We feel like we have a right to hold onto the sorrows of the past, to be the victim. I was just recently talking with a friend about how in the phrase "forgive and forget" it often seems like forgeting is the hard part, even when we know in our heart that Jesus does that for us. If-only-trolls tell us that if we don't hold onto our hurt and pain, it will seem like it didn't happen, because no one else knows or cares what we're feeling. If-only-trolls have very persistant whispers and are sometimes harder to bash, because in our secret heart we want to agree with them, that God let us down somehow.
So how do we bash these "Iffy" Trolls? Well, in much the same way that we bash any normal, joy-sucking troll. (See the previous blog for a handy list of troll-bashing techniques.) These particular Iffy Trolls are sometimes harder to bash because they are sneakier and harder for us to spot, but let me assure you, they are out to steal your joy! They are planting seeds of doubt and worry, telling you that somehow, God isn't being honest with you, that he's withholding something, like the serpent told Eve. (The serpent was a particularly nasty type of What-If Troll by the way.) The key to bashing these snarky little Iffy Trolls is to trust God with both our future and our past. When we listen to these trolls, we are allowing our minds to be filled with doubt rather than trust. God knows and understands when it feels like no one else does, and often brings other Christan brothers and sisters alongside us to let us know we are not alone.
No matter what If-Only's you have in your past for the trolls to throw at you, remember that God has a plan for your life, even if you can't see it, and that nothing happens that He is not aware of or in control of. Maybe he will use something in your life to let someone else know they are not alone either.We can't always see the bigger picture, but we don't have to- we are just required to trust.
Whatever What-If's crowd your mind with uncertainity about the future, God knows your heart and God will take care of you, even if He doesn't do so in the way that you plan. Sometimes He will bring you things that are so much bigger and better than what you had in mind- and other times, He has a different path for you to walk. It all comes back to trusting God in our lives, trusting in His Grace, and using that knowledge to banish all trolls from the kingdom of your heart.
On a side note regarding "What If Trolls" and our worries about God taking care of our wants and desires-I know that personally, I rarely stop to think, "Are my desires in-line with God's heart?" And folks, God doesn't promise us that He will always give us our wants. Psalm 37:4 says: "Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Aha! We say trimphantly- see, this verse proves that God will give me the desires of my heart! Look more closely at the first part of this verse: "Delight yourself in the Lord..." When we delight in the Lord, truly delight in him, and yearn after him- I think that our desires become more in line with His- that our desires become his mercy, his grace and his love- and those are never denied to us as his children.
Happy Troll Bashing!
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